在杰克三十岁时，生命终于曙光乍现。他遇到了佛法，并很快地相应。接着他开始探索净土教法——宋明以降融合其他宗派的念佛法门，然而心中的困惑仍挥之不去。后来杰克幸逢原始、纯粹的善导大师教法 (善导大师，唐朝人，创立净土宗)，才有了决定性的突破。于是他一年多前便皈依善导法脉，慧净上人赐予法名“净日”。
以下是净日自述的心灵之旅。
我便在父母及养父母住处之间往返，两处相距约六小时车程。四年级时，情况一度恶化，我暂时搬回养父母处。当时我胃痛的毛病很厉害，也紧张到几乎快呕吐。我不知道为什么，只觉得这样的分离感觉很糟。所幸养父母及整个瑟那家族都很爱我。小时候我是一个任性的小家伙，直到长大点才真正了解到养父母为我的付出，也真正明白我应当深深地感恩他们。
无数次，我目睹父母争吵，他们虽然复合但最终仍以离婚收场，并很快找到了各自的新伴侣。所以我跟父母在一起时，也不可避免地要与他们的另一半相处。这样长大是很辛苦的，大部分的时候我已经麻木了。我从来没有在同个地方住过两年以上，所以我总是学校里的新生。我习惯了搬家，居无定所。
母亲再婚的先生在佛罗里达州有间房子，十三岁时我跟着他们搬到那里去，我也就无法在周末去找父亲。搬过去仅四个月，母亲的毒瘾再次复发，我就被送回父亲身边。直到十八岁，我又见过母亲两次，时至今日，我与母亲的亲情已很淡薄了。这样长大让我身心俱疲，因为我根本不知道接下来又会发生什么。
我还是撑过了这段艰难的日子，而我人生中的种种变动渐渐将我塑造成自己都不知道的样子，塑造出我两种截然不同的性格。一方面我是个优秀的、有决心的孩子，擅长运动和音乐。然而我也会在考试时作弊，会说谎，喜欢饮酒作乐，甚至吸大麻。
十八岁即将高中毕业时，我在竞速滑轮和少年保龄球两个项目上获得了国家级赛事的名次，但我在课业上却很少着力，可以说是靠一路作弊完成了所谓的学业——这点我至今都很后悔。我当时非常徬徨，不知道我人生的方向在哪里。毕业前只因为朋友叫我去从军，就决定加入海军陆战队了。然后在里面就被一群龇牙咧嘴的人咆啸、教训。新训是我遇过最严格的考验，但我却没有想过放弃，并且顺利地通过了。作为美国海军陆战队的一员，我真为自己感到骄傲，心想总算成材了。但在内心深处，我只是希望能获得父母的肯定而已，即使当时的我并没有意识到。
住在南加州时，我辞掉军职，找了个还过得去的工作。上过餐饮学校，但还是没从事这行。我也成为了职业竞速滑轮手，这是我梦寐以求的职业。即使如此，我仍然是那个心中愤愤不平、爱说谎的骗子。我常常喝酒交际，我有过三次酒驾刑事纪录、毒品检验和出庭应诉的经历。二十七岁的我非常迷惘，终于崩溃大哭，意识到我是被遗弃的孩子。我从来没哭得那么惨，却也是第一次学会原谅与宽容。我的心因此打开，从前的那个我不见了——那个我从不喜欢的自己消失了。
二十九岁时，我开始慢慢理解了我以前无法解释的事，例如事物间的种种内在关联，世事如幻影不可捉摸。我感到这个身体并不是真正的我，它只是我暂时借用的躯壳。我感觉这样的正向能量带领我前进，最后把我带进佛门。我知道佛法就是我必须学习的。当我了解业果、轮回之后，我立刻信服了，不再需要更多的理由说服自己：我只想知道怎么终结生死轮回。有师姐给了我生平第一本佛书，是净土祖师印光大师 (1861—1940) 谈到禅净的书信集。我一得知有阿弥陀佛与极乐世界，就立刻相应。我毫不迟疑地就想尽快去极乐世界！这个信念至今依然坚固。
幸好我家附近有间传统中国净土寺院，我花很多时间在那里学习，做义工。我在万佛城求受三皈五戒，参加所有的法会，通过拼音学习用中文课诵。我每天念《阿弥陀经》，也把英译经文背起来了。每早念楞严咒三遍，也快要背下来了。每天对弥陀圣像大礼拜三百至五百次，并且尽可能地多多称念“南无阿弥陀佛”。
我生平第一次喜欢这样的自己，我终于知道自己的目标，也更能容易地放下过去。虽然父母的问题对我仍旧是个挑战，但我知道唯一能够帮助他们的方法就是恩慈体贴。虽然每天我做那么多功课，但还是觉得不够。听说有些藏系法师每天礼佛三千拜，而我只有三百拜，这实在令我闻之却步。我也听说许多公案提到要修行到何等程度才能往生净土，否则就还会再来轮回。此时，我修学的另一个转机出现了。
几年前，我在“脸书”上加了净宗法师为好友，当时我没有深细地去研究法师所说的教理，只是单纯地喜欢听他说法。我发现净宗法师只讲净土，不提其他咒或其他法。他所说的法简单、直接、有效。三十三岁时我开始较深入地学习法师所说的教理，并与他们取得了联系。我感觉我一直在寻找的师长终于出现在我的生命中。
那时我一点不了解善导大师法脉，也不认识慧净上人，但直觉告诉我可以遵循这个教法，直接着重于专称佛名。最终我决定皈依善导法门，将自己投入到学习这个法门中去。刚开始时，要放下以前所学的一切还是令我感到不安，但在深入学习后，我便打算放下一切，专称弥陀佛名。
几个月后，我对弥陀产生了一种前所未有的感觉，这种感觉无法言说，但令我心情愉悦。我信受慧净上人和净宗法师所教导的法之后，终于体会到对弥陀真实信仰是怎么回事。上人说应该亲近同门，不因他人的见解而动摇，这些教导我谨记在心，后来终于了解这点为何如此重要。
现在我老实、坚定地念佛。我可以跟其他信仰的人交流，但仍将自己全心交给救度我的阿弥陀佛。我明白全宇宙没有其他人可以终结我的苦难，那么何必另寻他法？有其他的善知识，但又何需考虑？这就是善导大师念佛法门的“专复专”。
2018年九月，我很幸运地见到我的善知识慧净上人。他一到的时候，我就如以前所学的向上人大礼拜三拜，但第一拜之后就被制止了。有机会跟上人简短谈话时，我双手合十但上人也要我放轻松，自在点。上人真的非常谦虚，他要所有人所有时候感到平等。上人开示从不含糊，并能持续扩展我对一向念佛的了解。想到如此深邃的教法竟然这么简单，实在令人惊奇。但是常人往往化简为繁，因此只有像上人这样如此睿智的善知识才能帮助我们建立正知见，正确地了解念佛。
如今我三十五岁，体认到我的生命充满了苦痛，我经历的快乐却从未持久。当我把心交给弥陀时，所有的忧恼恐惧也都随之而去。我现在还是有一些小苦小痛，但我仍会回到念佛寻求弥陀的救度。念佛让我再度得到喜乐，永不遗弃我的那种喜乐。
曾经在美国长大的一个失落灵魂，因为弥陀的恩慈让我找到归途。念佛时我对于将去何方毫不怀疑，信知时间一到弥陀自来迎接。在那之前，我就尽力将弥陀的喜乐之光传播出去，希望我自己能成为他人靠近弥陀的桥梁。
极乐世界的莲花早已开敷等我，所以我不必再想还要做什么才能往生净土。只要称念南无阿弥陀佛，等待我的时间到来即可。阿弥陀佛是我的善知识、大医王、守护者，以及拔济我脱离生死苦海的救度者。还有什么比这更好的？
南无阿弥陀佛，南无阿弥陀佛，南无阿弥陀佛！
译文：释净教 佛之
Jake was nearly 30 when the light finally broke through. He encountered Buddhism and quickly felt an affinity. Then came explorations of the Pure Land teachings — the mixed traditions dating from China’s Song Dynasty (960–1279) and later. Yet difficulties and doubts remained. It was not until Jake came upon the original, pristine teachings of Master Shandao – who founded the Pure Land School in the Tang Dynasty – that a decisive breakthrough came. That let him to take refuge with the Shandao lineage just over a year ago. Master Huijing gave him the Dharma name Jingri (淨日), which means “Pure Day/Sun.”
Here’s Jingri’s account of his own spiritual search:
My name is Jake — now Householder Jingri. I’m writing this in hopes that my story may extend some hope and inspiration to readers.
I was born in San Antonio, Texas. When I was 8 months old, I was given to foster parents. They later became my godparents because I was raised a Catholic by them. I was sent to them because my parents have battled drug addiction all their lives. At the time of my birth, they were addicted to drugs and in no condition to care for me and my brother. We were sent away to a different set of foster parents but in the same small Texas town called Uvalde. Later we ended up back with our parents, but I had become very attached to my godmother.
In Texas I went back and forth between my parents and godparents, who lived about 6 hours apart. At one point in 4th Grade, things were so bad that I temporarily moved in with my godparents again. I had terrible stomach aches and would be so nervous I almost vomited. I didn’t know why; I just felt terrible inside because of the separation. I was fortunate though to be loved greatly by my godparents and the entire Serna family. It wasn’t until I got older that I truly understood what they did for me and really learned to appreciate them more deeply. As a kid I was just a rascal who did what I wanted.
I watched my parents argue countless times, until their union finally ended in divorce. Both of them quickly found other partners, so when I was with either of them I was also with their partner. It was a very challenging way to grow up. I became numb to most of it. I never lived in one place longer than two years, so I was always a new student somewhere. I just got used to moving around, never settling in.
As I became a little older at the age of 13, I moved across the country to Florida with my mother and her husband because he owned a house there. I was now not able to see my Father on the weekends. But I was only there for four months before my mother once again fell prey to drugs and I was sent back to my father. From then until I was 18, I saw my mother only two more times and to this day we don’t have much of a mother-son relationship. It was very hard, while growing up, never to know what was going to happen next.
Somehow I did all right, but the upheavals were molding me into something I didn’t know I was becoming. I developed two personalities. On one hand, I was this great kid who was an athlete and a musician, someone who always had determination. But I was also a cheater on tests, a liar and eventually someone who loved to party, drink alcohol and smoke marijuana.
At 18, I was about to graduate from high school. I made national-level in two sports: inline speed skating and junior bowling. But I put much less effort into my education and basically cheated my way through school – something I deeply regret to this day. I was so confused and had no direction in life. Just before graduation I decided to join the Marines because a friend asked me to. The next thing I knew I was being yelled at by scary men. But I had no problems finishing boot camp. It was one of the toughest things I had ever done, but I never once felt like I was going to quit. I was proud to be a U.S. Marine and thought I had made something of myself. Deep down, I just wanted recognition from my parents, though I was unaware of that at the time.
Now living in southern California, I left the Marines but had a job that paid the bills. I went to culinary school but didn’t end up with a culinary career. I also became a professional inline speed skater — something I dreamed about. But I was still a liar with deep anger inside. I often drank and went to parties. This led to three DUI (Driving Under the Influence) offenses, experimentation with drugs and court appearances. At 27, I felt so lost in life. I finally broke down in tears and realized I was an unwanted child. I never cried so hard in my life, but it was also the first time I was able to learn forgiveness. It really opened my heart and it was the beginning of the end of my old character, one I never liked.
At the age of 29, I found myself understanding things I wasn’t able to explain like how everything was interconnected, everything was just an illusion, and this body was not my real self, but only a shell I was temporarily using. I felt this positive energy taking me somewhere. Eventually it took me to Buddhism. I knew it was what I had to learn. Once I had some understanding of karma, reincarnation, I didn’t need to be convinced anymore: I just wanted to learn how to end the rebirth cycle! I was then given a book by a Dharma sister, the first on Buddhism I ever read. It was Pure-land Zen, Zen Pure-land, a collection of letters by Master Yinguang (1861-1940), the Pure Land patriarch of modern times. Once I learned of Amitabha Buddha and his Pure land, I felt an instant connection. I had no second thoughts and just wanted to get there as soon as possible! I still feel this way today.
Fortunately, there was a traditional Chinese Pure Land temple near my home. I spent as much time as I could there to help and learn. I took Refuge and the Five Precepts with the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas. I attended all the services and learned how to recite everything in Chinese using Pinyin. I recited the Amitabha Sutra daily and memorized its English translation by heart. I recited the Shurangama Mantra three times every morning until I also nearly memorized it. I sometimes made 300 to 500 prostrations daily to Amitabha Buddha and recited “Namo Amituofo” as much as I could.
For the first time in my life I was happy about the person I was. I knew this was my purpose now and forgiving my past was an easy matter. Dealing with my parents is still challenging, but I understood that the only way I could really help them was through kindness and compassion. Though I was doing so many things in my daily practice, I also felt they were never enough. I heard that some Tibetan Masters bowed as much as 3,000 times a day and I was doing a mere 300 prostrations … It was intimidating! I also heard many stories about how good one must be to go to the Pure Land, otherwise we will be here again doing the same thing. Another turning point in my practice loomed.
I had added Master Jingzong to my Facebook page a few years ago. I hadn’t deeply investigated what he was teaching overall, but simply enjoyed what he had to say. The more I saw his teachings, the more I realized he speaks only of Pure Land — no other mantras, and no other methods. They were simple, direct, but effective! At 33, I started to look more into his teachings and I really connected with them. I felt like the master I was looking for had finally made himself known to me.
I did not even know anything about the Shandao lineage or Master Huijing, It had a more direct focus on just name-recitation. When I finally decided to take refuge in the Shandao lineage, I fully committed myself to this teaching. It was quite frightening actually because I was about to let go of everything I had learned so far. Going forward, I was going to recite the Buddha Name exclusively.
After a few months, I started to feel a connection with Amitabha that I never felt before. I couldn’t explain it but my heart felt so lifted and bright. I finally realized what it meant to have real faith in Amitabha Buddha. This was when everything Master Huijing and Master Jingzong had been teaching us became real for me. Master Huijing said we should only talk with people from our own lineage and not get confused by others. I took this to heart. After a while I was finally able to understand why this was so important.
Now my practice of Amitabha-recitation is firm and solid. I can communicate with people of other beliefs, but my heart is now fully connected to my rescuer, Amitabha Buddha. I realize no one else in the cosmos can end my suffering, so why seek anything else? There are other teachers, but why entertain them? This was what Master Shandao meant when he taught the central importance of “two-fold exclusivity” in Pure Land practice.
In September 2018, I was fortunate to meet Master Huijing, my teacher! As soon as he arrived, I did what I had learned and tried to make three full prostrations — only to be stopped after the first one. When I was able to speak briefly with Master Huijing, I had my palms together only to be told to just relax and be myself. Master Huijing is so humble that he wants everyone to feel equal at all times. As I listened to his teachings, they were never confusing and continued to open my understanding about nianfo (exclusive Amitabha-recitation.) It’s amazing how simple this profound teaching is, yet we ordinary beings tend to make it complicated. This’s why having a wise teacher like Master Huijing helps us understand how to have the right view and right understanding of nianfo.
Now 35, I can see that my journey in life has been full of suffering. The happiness I experienced never lasted. When I finally gave my heart to Amitabha, all my worries and fear went with it. I still experience suffering in small ways, but I always come back to Nianfo. It reconnects me with the joy that never will abandon me.
As a lost soul growing up in America, I have found my way home through the grace of Amitabha Buddha! When I recite Namo Amituofo, I have no doubt where I’m going and that Amitabha will receive me when it’s time for me to go. Until then I will do my best to spread the light of Amitabha’s joy. I hope I can be a vessel for others to become closer to Amitabha Buddha.
I know that my lotus flower is already blooming in the Pure Land, waiting for me. So I don’t think about what I need to do to be reborn in the Pure land any more. I just recite Namo Amituofo and wait until it’s my time to go. Amitabha Buddha is my teacher, my physician, my protector and, of course, my deliverer from birth-and-death! What can be better than that!
Namo Amituofo, Namo Amituofo, Namo Amituofo!